I accidentally had phone sex last night
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Found the puke drawer
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
