At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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