she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
