He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
