i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
