We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
