my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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