I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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