You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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