I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
