I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
