Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
