Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
