my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
