You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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