I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
