Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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