So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
