We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
