she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
