I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
