Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We don't watch enough power rangers
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
