I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
