Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
