Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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