Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im six kinds of drunk right now
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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