you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
