i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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