I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
