doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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