I think I can smell my own vagina right now
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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