I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
