So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
