His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
