i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
