i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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