i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
