Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Alive.
So much puke
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
