And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
