I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
