guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
