it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
