just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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