I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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