I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
