I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
