i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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