Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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