That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
