if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
