Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
